Mind over matter? Yeah. Right.

It's currently cold. Like usual. And it got me thinking, as I always do during any circumstance. I've heard countless times that as long as you set your mind to it, you can overcome anything, no matter how harsh it is, but this is bologna, of course. It's not the saying itself that drives me banana-sandwich, but the concept doesn't apply for simply anything. For your philosophical pleasure, I've made up some examples:


If you try liver, you're going to hate it, no matter how much you plea with yourself.

If your nose is stuffed, you get angry. You hate it.

If your nose itches, it perseveres. You must itch it or else you will go insane.

If you hit your funny bone, you laugh for some reason. And it's really not funny.

If the keyboard is missing its legs that prop it up somewhat, you hate it.

If your best friend is snoring loudly at night, you can't block it out. You yell at them. Maybe it's because that person's your best friend. They shouldn't be doing things like that.

IF THE FIRE ALARM GOES OFF, ITS LOUD. Not quiet. LOUD. DEAL WITH IT, AND HATE IT. I mean, seriously, has someone ever said, "I love the sound of the fire alarm, it just gets me all tingly inside"?

If you're in the desert, it's hot. Don't try to pretend it's cold, because it won't work.

When someone does something embarrassing on a television show, you inevitable feel embarrassed, as well. Note that I said inevitable. You cover your eyes and say things like, "Oh, my God. What the hell is he thinking?!"

Pulling teeth is the worst. It only happens when your tooth is tied to the door and someone else closes it, not you. It's impossible.

You can't move things with your mind. Matter wins, again.

If Timothy destroys the public restroom, we'd all do the same thing: take two steps in the bathroom, then one step out. Because that's how fast we'd be out the door. If it stinks, there's no denying it.

You can't tell yourself that there will be a next time. Because you'll always regret it. Another win for matter?

If it's dark, it's dark. Duh.

If it's bright, it's bright. Duh.

If you were to plummet off a cliff and hit thirteen different rocks on the way down, don't tell me you could block out the pain. Only Superman could do that. Unless Lex had previously injected him with Kryptonite. Then no one could do it.

Note to teenagers: saying you won't get pregnant isn't going to guarantee anything. So stop it.

Could we honestly pretend that a question mark is an exclamation point, and an exclamation point is a question mark? I didn't think so.

Yeah, you try putting your finger against a hot iron and pretend it's no big deal. I swear, irons are hotter than the sun.

We can't fly. Many people have learned the hard way.

If the dude has a shadow going on, the girl can't stop themselves from saying so; *kiss, kiss* .. "Mm, you're so poky." Um..thanks?

If there's a tornado, we're not going to run towards it.

On April Fool's day, moms can't stop themselves from trying to fool us. And somehow, it always works.

Mascots are fun to look at. We can't make ourselves look away when they decide to sit down right next to us.

If it's red, it's definitely red.

If something works, we're not going to pretend it doesn't. Who would do that? Could you imagine someone throwing the toaster across the kitchen because they were trying to pretend it didn't just toast their strudels?

If it's cold, you're cold. And you hate it.